Friday, October 10, 2008

Say What??

The truth can be shocking sometimes. Especially when you're not ready to hear it. And especially when it comes from someone else. Do you get mad? Do you fuss about how they're wrong? What do you do?

A while back, I was talking to a friend about the trials and tribulations of my then-relationship. I basically sang a "Somebody Done Me Wrong" song. (I didn't really sing). I told her how 'he did this, he did that, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada'. After I finished, she calmly said, "But you allowed it." As I sat there in silence looking at her, I thought W-H-A-T!!!! Didn't she just hear all of the things that he had done, didn't she hear what a bad boy he had been, didn't she hear how he didn't treat me right? Was she taking his side? What did she mean by "I allowed it"?

I don't remember much of the rest of the conversation. As I left, I remember her words replaying over and over again in my head. I thought about it as I drove home. It was still on my mind when I went to sleep. After some time, I realized that she was right. I had allowed it. I could have walked away from poor treatment, but I stayed. I could have said no to things, but my silence and fear of speaking up were really a yes. With my actions (or inaction), I allowed many unacceptable things. Yes, I've been hurt in relationships, as we all have. But the person that really hurt me the most, was me - a Virginia Dreamgirl. Because I allowed.

That was then - this is now! I look back on old relationships as powerful lessons. I've had some good teachers!! And I thank the woman that opened my eyes with her truthful statement. I couldn't believe it at the time. But I'm stronger for it.

What about you? Has someone told you something about yourself? What did they say? How did you handle it? Was it true?


Katie said...

Robin, I feel the same. People have said things like that to me as well. Even this week, someone said that this whole thing with Lef was my fault. I'm still not sure if I agree, but it gave me a different perspective to think about.

VADRMGRL said...

You know that you didn't know he had a grlfnd or ex-grlfnd. You knew him as an available guy. I believe we should all take responsibility for our actions, but how can this whole thing be your fault? It takes two to tango, but if one person is deceptive or unclear about a situation, how can it be the other person's whole fault. We need to talk, girl!!

Cara said...

I think the three of us really need to get drinks sometime soon!