Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Themes and Patterns

Let me start by saying, I've been having issues with Gmail's blog format. I've been putting spaces between paragraphs, but for some reason, the spaces disappear and my paragraphs look squished together. Hopefully, this entry will include my spacing. Please excuse it if they don't appear.

Ok. On to the blog entry.

Have you ever noticed themes and patterns in your life? The situation or people involved may be different, but the underlying feel of it is familiar? It seems as if you keep having the same problem over and over again, like a real-life Groundhog Day (the movie with Bill Murray).

I can tell you my themes: speaking up and being myself. And my pattern has been to avoid both, though I didn't realize that that was what I was doing. It took a long time for me to finally see the theme and recognize the pattern.

Remember those dotted paintings from the 1980s that really hid a picture underneath? You were supposed to look at those dotted pictures and eventually be able to see the real picture. The dots didn't make up the picture like a Monet painting. The dots covered the picture.

I could never see the pictures. I would stare at them for the longest time and only see the dots. Everyone around me was able to see the picture. They told me that they saw dolphins, whales, and everything that was underneath the dots. It was like I was blind, and someone had to describe a scene for me.

But now I see the picture of my themes. I see the 'speaking up' dolphin, and the 'being myself' whale. The dots of unfulfilling relationships hid the picture of my themes. And the people that could describe the paintings to me were mostly my exes, and sometimes my family and friends. Through their actions of telling me what to do, they described my need to speak up. Through their actions of wanting me to be a certain way, they described my need to be myself. For I was blind and could not see.

Now I see clearly. And I broke that pattern. I don't run or avoid situations. I look at and address them. Maybe not all at once, but with baby steps that will eventually lead to an adult walk.

So what about you? Do you recognize themes and patterns? What are they? Do they keep repeating with different people and circumstances? Can you see them or do you need someone to describe them to you? Do tell.

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