Saturday, December 6, 2008

One More To Go

So here it is. One day until the BIG day. I'm feeling pretty calm and at ease. I'm still doing little dances here and there. I'm sure I'll do some dances tomorrow.

I've looked forward to 40 for a long time. In my mind, it's like a magical age where insecurity and fear will disappear from my life like the sand from the upper half of an hourglass. I know that that may not be true, but 40 holds the promise of something better. It holds the promise of being true to myself in every circumstance. It also holds the promise of really embracing life and all that it has to offer - with nothing holding me back. Except for one thing.

Remember a few entries ago how I stated that I had to let people go? The people that served no purpose or were bringing stress to my life? Remember that? Well, there's one more to let go.

This 'friend' has whispered in my ear that I can't do something. This 'friend' has stopped me from trying new things - telling me that I'll fail if I make the attempt. This 'friend' has been by my side, stopping me from taking the next step. This 'friend' has also fueled my indecisiveness. At this point, I'm ready to let it go. This 'friend' has been fear.

Now, I'm sure lots of us know this 'friend'. It's there, whether we need it or not. It's influential. It's seductive. You can take your life to the next level when you overcome it, or you can hold yourself back when you give in to it. But it's there - for better or for worse. Honestly, it's played quite a role in my life.

But I don't want fear to have such an influence anymore. The fact that I'm turning 40 has something to do with it. But the other fact is - I'm tired of it. I'm tired of how such a little word can have such a great impact. I'm tired of it being in my way. I'm tired of it jumping in when it's not wanted. I'm tired of it making guest appearances on the 'Virginia Dreamgirl' show (also known as my life).

I doubt that it will ever totally go away. I think that it's a natural part of life. But I want it subdued/minimalized/trivialized. I don't need a 'friend' like that anymore.

So what about you? Has fear been a good friend to you? Have you given up that friendship? If so, why? If not, why?


Cara said...

I think so - I think I'm afraid of more than I'm aware of. Still working on figuring it out though :-/

VADRMGRL said...

Figuring it out is a good thing, Cara!