Remember

With 2009 right around the corner, I'd like to address teachers, lessons, and resolutions. I normally don't make New Year's resolutions. When I used to make them, I'd forget about them by February. What I do now is make themes for the year.

My theme for 2008 was 'Stop Accepting Unacceptable Things/Let Go of Unnecessary People'. I wrote about that in an earlier blog entry (see Access Denied).

My theme for 2009 is 'Remember the Lessons, and Not the Teachers'. I'm sure that you're wondering what I mean by 'teachers'. I think an email from my aunt sums it up best.

The email stated that 'God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.'

I really agree with the idea that people come into your life for a reason. I consider them to be life lesson teachers that help you become who you were always meant to be. They can be anyone you know or have known. The lessons are what you learn from them. The challenges that you have with them are the test. The final result is your grade.

For a long time after a 'test', I would think about the teacher. I'd think about what they did, how they were doing, how could I get them to notice me, blah, blah, blah. If their 'test' was being not so kind, I really didn't learn my lesson of being more confident or stating how I feel. My final grade was hurt and sadness. And, of course, I'd have to take the test again with another teacher/situation until I could pass.

How did I pass? By looking at repeat situations, looking at what I've done before, and doing something different the next time. That 'something different' is what I really want to do. It's what I feel is right. It's what I feel deep down and with conviction. Like I don't tell someone that something is okay when it isn't.

So I want to go into 2009 paying more attention to what I learned, not who taught me what. The teachers have been great, but the lessons have been greater. I've learned to see teachers/situations for what they are. They are ways for me to be a better woman today than I was yesterday. They are ways for me to be a better woman tomorrow than I am now. They are ways for me to be the best that I can be. That certainly is unforgettable.

So Applicable

To thine own self be true.

From "Invictus" by William Earnest Henley

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

The Greatest Gift

What's the greatest gift you've ever received? Was it a toy when you were a child? Was it a pair of jeans when you were a teen? Was it an electronic device when you were an adult? How long did that gift make you happy? Did you tire of it after a while?

With today being Christmas, I'd like to address the greatest gift. One that keeps on giving. One that you can treasure. One that you can show others.

A few years ago, I watched a documentary on PBS. A group of people wanted to overcome their stuttering problems, and the documentary followed each individual's story. One woman's story stood out from the others.

I don't remember her name, but I'll call her Sally. Sally was an African-American woman in her early 40s. She was pursuing her doctorate degree in Sociology and wanted to work on her stuttering issues before presenting her oral dissertation.

She and the other participants in this course practiced ways to overcome their stuttering. They did things like ask people on the street for directions, call and order food for delivery, and have conversations with the program staff. Everyone minimized their stuttering at the end of the training program and went back to their regular lives.

They showed Sally a few weeks after the training program. She was in a university hallway awaiting the results of her oral dissertation. She had just presented before a panel and was really nervous. She kept looking at the decision makers' door as she paced the hallway. Finally, the door opens and balloons come out into the hallway as one of the decision makers says, "Come on in, Dr. Sally."

She was so happy. Everyone congratulated her as they ate cake and talked about how well she did during her dissertation. Her receiving her doctorate was certainly rewarding. But it seemed like she was a little more comfortable and confident. It seemed like she regained something that she had lost through years of stuttering. It seemed like she regained a part of herself.

So the greatest gift was her. As your greatest gift is you, and my greatest gift is me. I think that you regain a little more of yourself with every obstacle that you overcome. You get the gift of you after each challenge. You can treasure this gift by treating yourself well and not letting others treat you with anything less than you deserve.

So what do you think? Have you been your greatest gift ever? I know I've been mine. I hope that you've been yours. I wouldn't take back my challenges for all the world because it's made me who I am today. Plus, I don't think you ever get tired of this gift, for it lasts a lifetime.

Themes and Patterns

Let me start by saying, I've been having issues with Gmail's blog format. I've been putting spaces between paragraphs, but for some reason, the spaces disappear and my paragraphs look squished together. Hopefully, this entry will include my spacing. Please excuse it if they don't appear.

Ok. On to the blog entry.

Have you ever noticed themes and patterns in your life? The situation or people involved may be different, but the underlying feel of it is familiar? It seems as if you keep having the same problem over and over again, like a real-life Groundhog Day (the movie with Bill Murray).

I can tell you my themes: speaking up and being myself. And my pattern has been to avoid both, though I didn't realize that that was what I was doing. It took a long time for me to finally see the theme and recognize the pattern.

Remember those dotted paintings from the 1980s that really hid a picture underneath? You were supposed to look at those dotted pictures and eventually be able to see the real picture. The dots didn't make up the picture like a Monet painting. The dots covered the picture.

I could never see the pictures. I would stare at them for the longest time and only see the dots. Everyone around me was able to see the picture. They told me that they saw dolphins, whales, and everything that was underneath the dots. It was like I was blind, and someone had to describe a scene for me.

But now I see the picture of my themes. I see the 'speaking up' dolphin, and the 'being myself' whale. The dots of unfulfilling relationships hid the picture of my themes. And the people that could describe the paintings to me were mostly my exes, and sometimes my family and friends. Through their actions of telling me what to do, they described my need to speak up. Through their actions of wanting me to be a certain way, they described my need to be myself. For I was blind and could not see.

Now I see clearly. And I broke that pattern. I don't run or avoid situations. I look at and address them. Maybe not all at once, but with baby steps that will eventually lead to an adult walk.

So what about you? Do you recognize themes and patterns? What are they? Do they keep repeating with different people and circumstances? Can you see them or do you need someone to describe them to you? Do tell.

I Said This, Too

Why accept so little

when you deserve so much more...

I Said It

I've been who I'm not,

so I'll be who I am.

I decided not to italicize this since I said it.