Grrr

What do you do when you're mad? Do you take it out on others? Do you keep it to yourself (bottled up inside)? Do you grin and bear it by pretending that you're not mad at all? Or do you say that you're mad and accept that it's okay to feel that way? What do you do?

Yesterday, I was mad. Incredible Hulk mad. People that said they were going to call didn't, and that added fuel to my anger fire. I accepted that I was mad and was okay with that feeling. Eventually my anger fire flames burned out.

Recently, I've learned to accept anger as an expressable emotion. In the past, I wouldn't dream of expressing anger. It wasn't a 'good girl' thing to do. I didn't want to make others feel bad, even though they made me feel that way. I wanted to keep everything pleasant and happy.

I now know that expressing anger is just one of the many ways to keep me from holding things in and getting upset at inappropriate times. Not holding things in is a good girl thing to do, too.

So what about you? How do you deal with anger? Let me know. Grrrrr......

Reasons or Excuses

In the previous post, I wrote about an article that a friend sent. I read another article this weekend that discussed the 'real' reasons why guys dump girls. Normally I don't read articles like this because they irritate me. I get irritated because I don't understand why some people can't be honest. Here's something - don't lead people on if you don't like them. Or - don't play with people's feelings. I could go on. Though I don't advocate violence, I can see how some people get clunked in the head!

So this article listed the top four 'guy' reasons for letting a girl go. I remembered three:

• He doesn't want to get into a relationship if there's a better one/girl out there
• He doesn't like you as much as you like him (he's just not that into you)
• He's scared that he'll really fall for you

I don't have too much to say about the first bullet. But we can talk about the second and third ones!

The author stated that guys will try to spare a girl's feelings now rather than later if he realizes that he doesn't like her that much. Basically, he'll end it now before she REALLY starts to like him. I go back and forth on this one. Maybe that's a good thing. I'll give it some more thought.

The author also stated that guys don't like to be vulnerable and like a girl too much. Who does? They're afraid that they won't be able to recover if you break up with them. Then they'd look wimpy in front of their friends who can't help them get over it. (The author stated that females help their friends get over relationships better than guys).

What do you think? Are these valid reasons or excuses for poor behavior?

Reality

Yesterday, one of my friends sent me an article regarding online affairs/intimacy. The article, "Virtual Affair Ends in Real-Life Divorce", talked about married people having online relationships with someone other than their spouse. And how those virtual affairs are ending real-life relationships.

In the article, a wife caught her husband's avatar (animated character representation of himself) e-snuggling and e-hugging another avatar. Those e-activities led to their divorce in reality.

My friend asked me if I thought that was cheating. I told her that 'technically' it wasn't cheating. But I thought it crossed a line. Even though there wasn't physical intimacy, an emotional bond was formed. I think that an emotional bond with someone other than your spouse or partner can hurt just as bad.

My friend also concluded that it wasn't cheating, but that spouses need outside friendships. I agree with that. You need to interact with others - do a girls' or boys' night out, for example.

So what do you think about this? Should online activities have an impact on reality? Are online snuggle buddies out-of-line?

Baby Come Back

Baby come back.

You can blame it all on me.

I was wrong,

And I just can't live without you.

These are lyrics to the song "Baby Come Back" by a male group called Player. This is one of my favorite 1970s Classic/Lite Rock songs. The song has recently made a comeback (no pun intended) because of a mop commercial. A woman has replaced her old mop with a new one, and the old one is trying to win her back. Every time the old mop appears, this song plays. Pretty silly, I know.

But what strikes me about the song is that the guy is willing to take all the blame so that the girl will come back to him. Why does love make people want to do such things? Why are people so willing to do whatever it takes to get back with someone that (maybe) wasn't right for them? What are your thoughts on this? I want to know.

Guess Who?

Guess who said this quote:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Do you know? It was Dr. Seuss. I was pleasantly surprised when I read this. I figured everything he wrote rhymed and was for children. Who knew?

A Rant

So yesterday evening I was in the business center at my apt complex. I normally go there during the day because it's kind of secluded. I needed to print some info. So I went, even though it was dark.

There was an older guy already in there working on one of the three PCs. He looked like a demented Jack Nicholson from the movie The Shining, so I wasn't trying to be in there long. I sat down, printed what I needed, and got my things to go. As I was about to leave, he looked up and said "Yes, we've got a new president. So he's one of your kind, huh?" WHAT! One of my kind? Like I'm an animal or something? UHH!!!!!!

I knew what he was trying to say. Yes, America has an African-American president. The world is surprised. But 'one of my kind'? Dang, he couldn't have said it better than that? I just looked at him and left. I didn't want to get into anything with him 'cuz he was kinda big.

I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear a comment regarding race or President O. But really - how long is this gonna go on?

Loving Life

Do you love your life? If not, are you doing things to make it a life you love? How's that going?

A few years ago, I caught the end of the Oscars. Julia Roberts was presenting the award for Best Actor. Normally I don't watch Oscar and Grammy shows because they're long. I want the announcers to get to the point and say who won.

So Julia was listing the nominees. Clips of each actor's performance was shown, followed by a close up of each actor's anticipation. After Julia opened the envelope, she took a breath, pressed the envelope to her chest, and stated "I love my life. The winner for Best Actor is..."

It was Denzel Washington. Though I like Denzel, I was more fascinated by how Julia made the announcement. I liked that she was genuinely happy for him. I liked that she stated how she loved her life. I don't think she stated that because she makes lots of money (though I'm sure she's not sad about it!). I think she stated that because she was really happy that she got to do something she loved for a living. And that she was the one to present a friend with acting's highest award.

So do you love your life? At the end of the day, are you pleased with how things are going? Are you doing what you need to make it a life worth living/loving?

What Have You Done For You Lately?

Have you recently done something special for yourself? Did you buy yourself something nice, take yourself to the movies, or treat yourself to a coffee drink/meal/mani-pedi? If you haven't, why not? Don't you deserve it?

I think every once in a while you should treat yourself to something special. There's no particular reason. It's a 'just because' treat. It doesn't have to be extravagant. It can be simple or small. Get something that makes you happy and makes you feel better just for having it.

One treat that I got earlier this year was some New Year's balloons. They were really cute, and they made me happy. (Though I must admit they scared me at night on the way to the bathroom because some were the size of a human head). Every day when I came home, they had floated to some new place in the living room. I couldn't help but smile everytime that I saw them. I'll probably buy some more to ring in 2009!

So do something nice for yourself. Make yourself feel special. Why? Just because!!

50/50?

From what I hear, relationships are supposed to be 50/50. But lately I've been wondering if that's even possible. Seems like relationships are 70/30, 60/40, and even 80/20. I know I'm an outsider looking in, and only the people involved know the real arrangement of their relationship. But from outside appearances, it's not looking too even. It looks like one person gets to call the shots.

Yesterday, I watched a program where the couple was separating. Though the husband had left, he still came by the house everyday to spend time with his two young children (a boy, age 7 and a girl, age 4). He and the wife helped the children with homework, fed them dinner, gave them baths, and put them to bed. Then the husband went back to his apartment.

The children were acting out. The little boy wanted to know why his dad left. And you could tell that the wife really wanted the husband to come back to try and make it work. This arrangement had gone on for eight months, and the fate of the relationship was in his hands. Eventually he stated that he didn't want to work things out. And that was that.

As much as I advocate love and relationships, I really wonder if there can be a true balance. Though the example I gave is about divorce, what about during a relationship? Can't people compromise and come to a resolution that works for both parties? Can't both parties make decisions that meet both their needs? Why is that so hard?

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I would love to have a 50/50 relationship. But I don't want a scenario where I 'give up so much of me to be with you'. Or 'you make all the decisions and I follow suite'. Been there, done that, don't want to do that no mo'.

Perfectly Imperfect

I heard the phrase 'perfectly imperfect' as a description of life. It makes sense in so many ways. Life isn't perfect. No one is perfect. Interesting.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a perfectionist. I'm sure that my close family and friends will agree with that statement. I try to do the right things in the right ways. But that's tiring.

Trying to be perfect bites me in the tousshie (hindparts). At some point, I have to accept that something is good as it is. Just like Goldilocks found the chair, bed, and porridge that was just right, I have to find the job, life, and love that's just right. Ain't life grand...

The Chosen One

I was recently talking to a friend about relationships. We were talking about those that 'hunt' and those that are 'hunted'. Hunters and Huntees. Are you a hunter or a huntee? Do you chose or are you the chosen one? Why? Is that your natural preference? If you're not chosen, do you contort yourself into someone that you're not to be chosen?

It's easy to think that there's something wrong with you if you're not 'The Chosen One'. It's also easy to think that you don't have the ability to chose. But you always have a choice. And you don't have to wait on others to decide if you're worthy enough for them to pick you. As John Madden says, "YOU MAKE THE CALL!!" (I think that's a football reference). You chose because you can.

That's my two cents. What do you think?